You Lost Me

Relationships between mom and daughter are the most complex - Wynonna Jude.

Yeah, I feel that. Maybe I am not a perfect and nice daughter. But what I can do if I lost trust for her? I feel like we are not like we used to be. Chatting, laughing, and sharing story together. The most I miss is the time when she tells me about my chilhood. I can remember exactly when I stopped to had breastfeeding, age when I started to step, and the time when I had dissease that almost took my life.

But what now? Feel like she is a stranger, and I am a stranger for her. She has been tried to talk to me, to ask what my problems, and how I could passed the bussy day. I just answer with ignorant words.

Feel guilty.... Yes, I do.

But that wasn't my fault at all. I'm not a person who likes to spread my anger to everybody, if I just mad at one person, I'd be different to another person. Not at this time. I feel dissapointed because of her behaviour 2 years latter. And when her phone alarm ringing in the early morning, I just wanna dismiss it but then I read messages from a stranger man (for me) that he said he wanna do something as a husband does. And that is disgusting, if you know what I mean.

I never blame on her to the broken of my family, my dad as well. Until I found out something that could change her behaviour and attitude. She maybe never change to me, her love.

I feel enough for getting her attention of me since I coudnt get her attention when I tried to talk to her. Too happy with her phone, I bet. I just let it go and try to get anything I need by myself. 

She's enough to thinking about her responsibilities. I am 18 and mature enough to be alone.

Everything has changed, since I couldn't go along with my parents like when I'm 10 year-old we went to the shop together. 

She has to be happy because she deserves it.

I cant stand with this moment. Just fed up with my mom and I cant be softly talk to my mom. I know she doesnt know why I changed my behaviour to her  suddenly. I just cant feel like I am happy. Okay I'm smiling. To everyone. But I cant smile to my mom even a little. I dont know how I could be like I used to be to my mom. Maybe if she stops to text the man and stay away from him. Or even she marry with that man. 

I hate if she just hide it. That she has a person who can makes her happy, who can caring her, or whatsoever. 

Perhaps if they say it to me, that they are in love. I could support them like I'd happy to have new dad.

But no more. My heart broken to pieces to know what my mom has been done. She cheated my trust on her.