I am sick :(

Hi my lovely blog, sorry been a while I am not coming here.
Sorry for my careless of you. I know, everytime I feel alone I always come back to you.
You are my only one friend I have who willing to be a place of my complaints, happiness, and sadness stories.
Well, I told you as first that I am sick rightnow. Yesterday I went to a hospital. Not for checking up my health. But for accompanying my boss. Probs, I was not in good condition and I easily get affected of viruses which are cough and flu.
It is serious for me. Because I have never had any diseases before. Just migraine or headache, but I just need sleep to relief it.
And now, it feels so torture me. I can't breath with both nostrils, cough whenever I can breath, and having sore throat.
The worst with this situation is, I am home alone and today is Saturday I supposed to be in my college and today there will be a middle test of translations. I cannot go any where but in bed. I am dying at home and I dont want everybody get affected by my viruses.
I hate being home alone. Makes me feel further about feeling alone.

The tissue is my friend for sleeping

You know, I am now so galau. Yes, galau, sad of no reason. Or maybe sad because of a stupid reason, missing someone who doesn't care about you haha.
Yes this sickness makes me feel alone then missing someone who doesn't even care about me (I guess so).

I am sorry bloggy, I haven't told you about this yet.
You want me to tell you now? really?
Okay....

You know, I have no any courage to date someone around me. Or get flirted by guys who are around me. Yes, there are, few guys. But they are just 'joking' on me whenever they say I am pretty, or they wanna date me. And I dont get it as a any propose or feeling butterfly in my stomach. I dont really get it. Just for fun.
So that I've tried few date sites (I feel embarrassed to confess this tbh lol).
There is Tinder, the app like 'hot or not'. The app will let you choose 1 of 2 choices, like or nope for the photo pops up. The photos are from people around. You can adjust with your preferences to meet, male or female, range of ages, and range of miles/km distance.
I adjusted to meet males, 20-35 year old, and 35kms away. Yes I like guys who are mature so that I prefer until 35 years old. Well, age doesn't measure someone's maturity. After you sweep like, and someone who you have swiped like also sweep like for you, you will matched with him and you are able to chat with him.
I knew that app was from my friend, she told me that she was on a date with a guy and showed up the pictures of them. The guy was really good looking and I asked her, where did you know him, I didnt know you had a friend that cool and handsome. She laughed and said, she met him by a date app. So yeah.... I was curious about that app and check it out on the playstore (yes, i am android user ^^v)
I installed the app, and starting to surf. Yeaaaahh, guys on it are HOT! I couldn't stop to keep in that app. Sweeping right for the handsome, mature, wear eyeglasses, beards, pointed nose, looked-smart guy.
It was still in the first day and I was crazy about that app. I got tons of match, but not all of them giving message to me. Well, maybe I am not as hot as they thought.
I tried to greet someone, it was a guy, matched with me. He wears eyeglasses, pointed nose, bearded, and tall (from the picture), and from the picture he looks chubby. Those are really my type! lol.
I was classically greeting him by say 'Hi'.
He greeted back with late reply and told me that he doesn't get notification from the app. I said no problem, and asked him is he wanna chat on another messenger, because I have WhatsApp. He said yes, and I gave my number.
He greeted me on whatsapp and we chat on it. He was really friendly, mature as his look (he has long beard), and funny. Actually, he is an expatriate in my city. He lives in the west almost central, and I live in the south. I dont know, I didn't ask many things about him, because our chat has many topics. We found some topics and we talk about it for a long time, we laugh, we were sending selfies, and we also had time to arguing. To let you know bloggy, he is 31 and I dont think that he is literally old for me. He is a nice guy, you know I have ever met with some foreigners who speaks English as their mother-tongue and they are just telling me that I have bad English and dont wanna talk to me anymore because I am too boring.
He was not like that at all, I think because he said he has been here for 1 year and living around locals so he understands about Indonesian in English speaking skills. Well, at first we didn't speak on the call, we were texting and sending pictures. And ya! He also never talks about any sexual things. It was very natural between me and him. Talk about cultures, our preferences, our looks, etc.
He was questioning me that I was interested in him, just because he is not in the same age as me. He thinks (perhaps)I was too young for him. Honestly, that's all I want. I want someone mature to take care of me, treats me right, understands me. I have heard a lot that a man with few ages older are understand and treat women more very well. But that was not an answer that I told him. I told him because he is 'bule' lol.
Yes, I also like bule. Not just because they look much handsome than Indonesian guy (for Indonesian girls).
Because they also have higher feeling of responsibilities toward women. They appreciate more, they are care more, sweeter, and more romantic. Those are my opinion, I have seen many bule couples and the guy treats his girl so sweet. I really wanna be like the girl.
But I think he was offended with my answer, he thinks he got a lot more things besides he is just a 'bule'.
Yes he is. He is the most mature guy I have ever met, treats me rightest, appreciates me the most, but hurts me the most as well afterwards (will tell you later bloggy :*)
And yaaaa, that was about how we met. The point is, I've fallen in love with him in the first sight with his physical and his behavior.

After few days of chatting, we are giving 'kode' or sign for making a meet-up haha.
I dont really like to make a move, but that time. I was really excited to get to know him in person. So I was just said "How about tomorrow? what time you like?" It was on Monday. He said about noonish. We planned to meet-up on Tuesday, 1 PM at a mall in the central.

The next day....
My phone internet was running out, and I wasn't available to connect with internet. So I sent him SMS to assure him we would meet at the time we have planned

His confirmation :)

I wasn't dress very fantastic as if on a date. Just a long-sleeve shirt and a trousers. He said we would go to a cinema so I wear something that I shouldn't have to wear sweater haha.
I was going to the mall by public buss. At first I plan to get APTB, a bus which directly from my place to the mall. But it was boring to wait over 15 minutes. So I got the little car to get to a busway shelter. I took from nearest shelter.
It was needed to transit once in a main shelter and continued to another buss.
When I was in the second buss, it was crowded inside at the shelter. And when I came in the buss, it was 2 male bules stand beside and in front of me. They were so tall like I was just as tall as their armpits.
I was wondering will I be the same beside Mike (ups, yes, his name is Mike hihi).
I was in the middle of the buss. Because in front of is women area and behind is men area.
When the buss stopping in the Monas shelter, the bules went out and some of the people. So the buss getting loose of people. I walked to stand in women's area. When I looked around to see where is the seat is available back and forward, I was stuck on a guy who holding his phone not far from where I stood. Was staring at him for few second, trying to recognize. Something de javu with his facial look. AH! That's him!
I was still just standing just 5 steps from him. Waiting him to look at me back, wasn't a long wait, I smiled at him. He smiled back. I was constantly waving my hand to him with a big smile, he looked still awkward to waving me back lol. I ran to him (not run literally, just did a fast step. It was tricky with the high heels haha)
"Are you Mike?"
"Yes.."
"I am Verial!" yes, you knew it, with a very very very big smile.
I was completely nervous afterwards. I stood beside him. Surprised me because he was not chubby at all. He was attractively tall, long hair, long beard, nice eyeglasses, and has nice scent (that is manly things that I really like from men, wangi!)
We talked in the buss. But I was still very nervous, spoke very quiet, he should've asked me many times "what? what did you say?" hahaha.
After we arrived to the shelter for going to the mall, he showed me his secret way to get the mall. The small street, very quiet, he said he loves walking in a quiet place like that and told me to dont tell anyone of the secret way. Haha I dont know why he is better at knowing the roads in Jakarta than me. I am a very very bad Jakartan.
When we were arrived, we first went to a coffeehouse. He ordered a coffee without sugar, and I ordered coffee flavored cake (I dont really remember the name on the menu list).
There, I started to feel comfortable beside him. He sat beside me. I usually sit facing my partner haha.
We were talking about many things.
To be honest, I have never made any psychical contact with people I just met. Only shaking hand for introducing myself. But when I was with him, I was not shy at all. I touched his beard, smelled his fragrance, tickled his belly, or held his hand when walking (after long day together). He also like to tickling me. Everything was fun around him. I was just not thinking about any sad things or problems in my life (that sometimes I feel it even in the crowded with some friends). Just with him, I can laugh and feel the butterflies in my stomach.

He drew this when we were in the coffeshop

I dont know how deep is my feeling for him. I just can't stop thinking about him. Always wondering what his feeling for me. But seems like he doesnt really into me. It was only that day, and another day just ordinary days between us. I am not a type of girl who is always trying to get attention from her crush. I am a cool girl, I have heart, feeling, and I think logically (Why should I have to care too much about someone who doesn't care about me even not at all).
I know when people care about me, and when they are dont.
Yes, I also not always silent. I've tried to keep in touch with him by asking how's his life, and he as well asking me back.
He is completely not a bad guy, he is still kind guy after we met. I just think he doesn't feel the same way as mine. And it hurts me. Not so much, I am not a drama queen.
I was really want to tell him about my feeling. But not sure it will work out on our relation in the future. I just want to keep the chance to meet him one day again, and repeat everything we have done together that day. Maybe not as sweet as the first meeting, because we are just friends! haha.
We are good friends, even though I have special feeling for him. I dont care.
If he had the same way, he would tell me. Because he is a man.
If he didn't, it still fine for me.

And yeah, bloggy. That was my latest heartbreaking story. Haha I feel much better to tell you.
I should've told you before. But this time is perfect time to get better from that feeling and feel better to write it down.
See you latter, my friend! mwack!