Pissed Of

Every day goes gone, the more i'm pissed of with something that I cant have time to be alone. All I want is to be alone. Without people who like to put stuffs wherever they want, just staring at their gadget without carying around them, and just complain with messes that I wasnt made.
I feel suicide when I'm with them. Because never comfortable to face with people that just thinking about another people see us. I'm never give a damn with anything people can say to me. I just wanna do my best and let people judge me. Not just being good outside house, and being mad inside a home. I dont know why they just act like wise person, kind person, lovely person. But yeah, in reality many people adored them. But do they realize that, life is not only for other people. Life is like you've done with your needs, then you can help any one that needs a help. Because how can you help a person even if you are the one who more neded help? Is that possibly to survive with that way?
I'm never understand. I know that they wanna be a good in personal. But why to be another people??
Not me??! I am the one who need more love, money, attention. Why they just thinking about poor people? Cat? Or foundation for inability children?
I knowwww, I know that I am not that as poor as what I mentioned.
But attention. I need more attention when I need more reward with anything that I have done. Hellooo... I got 3,6 GPA and all I get just congratulation word? I wash the dishes, and brush the bathroom but she still complain that I'm never care about cleaness? I'm never ask her much money but just for cost to get campuss, yet she still complains with everyone that she confuse to figure out how to pay my tuition study.
Money. As I said, I'm never using my mom money as much as my brother. But does she know how much I give her tollerant of all of her problems? Start from he is marry, his wife give a birth, and in the jail. Ii was trying to be a good daughter for all of the rest of her life. I dont wanna feel guilty when my grandma died, and I made many mistakes for her eventhough I was a child.
Love. I know that they love me. But I dont know how they can show it with all of their heart. I hate when I'm talking and they just staring at their phone and answer "hem..yea..good" fuck.
And always telling tha they have a messages or call from people adore them. Is that give me information? Or they just wanna show me how amazing they are. And the entire of world needs to know it. Phone ringing in the midnight. Taking picture and ask me is that good or not, how can I describe the picture. Look, you are just pissed me of with that question.

I just wanna be alone in one place that I can crying alone, wondering about many things, do whatever my favorite things, and talking with my friends and boyfriend as long as I want.
Yes, I can feel happier just with friends anf boyfriend. They can give me a smile. Hardest thing I feel they just make a joke or they also tell me a story. Just like, my life with friends around me is never useless.
I dont care if they reading this. The reason why I dont tell them in person because they do not want to blamed. Never ever ever want to hear that they are wrong. Always have excuse to refuse it. What ever, I just wanna put my thought not in facebook/twitter that I also can pissing of my frends. lol
Oh yeaaah, this is 11:57 and I still can hear blackberry messenger notification.